Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
