You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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