Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
