i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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