No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
