but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
