If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
