Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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