i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
