she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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