Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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