grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
