He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
