So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
