Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
