East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
