You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
