p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
