Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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