Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
