first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
