Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
