her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
