making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
