Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
