you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
