Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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