I didn't shave. On purpose
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
