Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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