i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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