my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
