HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
