oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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