and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so that wasnt chicken after all
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
