lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
