dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
