We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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