he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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