I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
