i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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