We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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