I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
