how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
