i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
