In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
