The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have started to decorate penises.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
