Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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