I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
