i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
