That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
